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BodyBoarders Riot in Downtown Los Angeles
3/16/2007
LOS ANGELES, CA – Once again disorder has wrung its bloody hands over the streets of Los Angles, as swarms of bodyboarders resorted to uncontrolled violence, fueled in part by the increased discrimination and decreasing popularity of their beloved sport.
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Surfers Attacked By Deadly Sand Badgers
3/6/2007
BUDE, UK – A new breed of deranged Sand Badgers has been blamed for a recent string of deadly attacks on North Cornwall beaches, that have left one surfer dead, and many others wounded.
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Music Release: Weather Radio Solid Gold
2/27/2007
NEW YORK, NY – To the avail of surfers across the nation, the long awaited for NOAA’s Greatest Hits: Weather Radio Solid Gold was finally released yesterday, as thongs of anxious shoppers wrestled to get a limited edition copy.
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Kala Alexander Found Punching Drunken Clown
2/1/2007
OAHU, HI – Kala Alexander, the nefarious leader of the North Shore’s WolfPak, was found Saturday beating a clown in a public display of brash localism.
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Dane Reynolds Dedicates New Move For Jesus
1/30/2007
VENTURA, CA – Progressive surfer Dane Reynolds, the regular footed sensation of the new surfing world order, has cleverly created a new experimental maneuver in honor of this year’s Christmas season.
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Cool Water: Laird Hamilton Gives Birth at Photo Shoot
1/28/2007
BISCARROSSE, FRANCE – Reports from various sources indicate that legendary surfer Laird Hamilton gave birth on set during a recent photo shoot for Davidoff’s Cool Water Cologne ad campaign; an unprecedented revelation that’s sending shock waves throughout the surfing industry.
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Slater Apologizes: Eighth World Title “Too Much”
12/1/2006
COCOA BEACH, FL— In a suprising and unforeseen move, Mr. Kelly Slater, also known as SL”8”ter, humbly apologized to his sponsors and the general public for his unprecedented Eighth World Title win in a press conference held Tuesday evening.
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Loss for North Shore. Kim Jong Buys Pupukea-Paumalu. Opens Communist Fun Park.
11/30/2006
NORTH SHORE, O’AHU, HI – In a tragic and bitter loss for the North Shore Community, Kim Jong, Stalinist leader of North Korea, has boldly purchased Pupukea-Paumalu for $12 million (US), in retaliation for recent US threats regarding economic sanctions.
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Wetsuit Industry Crisis: “What the fu** are we talking about?”
11/20/2006
REDONDO BEACH, CA – Leading wetsuit manufacturers, replete with “industry firsts” and earth shattering discoveries, have admitted in a rare disclosure last Saturday that they have all spiraled into crisis as a result of their complex language used in their advertising campaigns, apparently confusing even themselves.
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11/10/2006
PEBBLE BEACH, CA — Tom Cruise, the well known Hollywood actor and fabled star of movie blockbusters like Cocktail and Days of Thunder, has successfully surfed the newly discovered and very scary big wave, Ghost Tree.
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Spider Monkeys Invade Costa Rican Lineups
10/1/2006
PLAYA HERMOSA, CR – Local surfers and tourists alike were outraged last month when hordes of Spider Monkeys severly congested surfing line-ups all across the country.
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New Release: Surfline Dog Edition
10/30/2006
HUNTINGTON BEACH, CA – Surfline.com, the juggernaut of web-based wave forecasting and surf related media, has finally outdone itself once again with the highly anticipated release of Surfline Dog Edition.
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ESA Cancels 07’ Season—Continental Shelf Blamed
11/19/2006
OCEAN CITY, MD – In a disappointing move for the entire East Coast on Saturday, the Eastern Surfing Association announced the cancellation of its entire 2007 contest season on account of the Continental Shelf tapping into its affairs.
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Andy Irons Retires: Founds “Drivers Against Roadhead”
10/1/2006
HANALEI, KAUAI, HI – Legendary three time world champion and wave smacking specialist, Andy Irons, has unexpectedly announced his retirement from professional surfing last Thursday, apparently to pursue his life long dreams in road safety management on the islands of Hawai’i.
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