Slater Apologizes: Eighth World Title “Too Much”
12/1/2006
COCOA BEACH, FL— In a suprising and unforeseen move, Mr. Kelly Slater, also known as SL”8”ter, humbly apologized to his sponsors and the general public for his unprecedented Eighth World Title win in a press conference held Tuesday evening.
Already in possession of seven world title crowns, Mr. Slater deemed his current win as “selfish” and “too much.”
“I don’t know what I was thinking this year. It was totally uncalled for. I should’ve given someone else a chance,” Mr. Slater pronounced.
For fellow competitors, this year’s title hopes and their dreams of wild beer doused after-party orgies were ended—bludgeoned and smashed—by Mr. Slater on the ninth stop on the world tour in Mudaka, Spain. Mundaka, a choice venue on the Foster’s ASP Dream Tour, possesses a world class wave that is well known for it’s short, mushy lefts, that are best surfed at high tides.
The press conference, which was held at the high tide line to a gleary eyed, screaming crowd of middle-aged women, was further dampened by an untimely scuffle between two inflamed fans. Authorities believe the cause of the ensuing scuffle was over an autographed Tupperware container lid.
In his closing remarks, Mr. Slater concluded, “I should be able to control my talent better than that. It’s embarrassing.”
