Loss for North Shore. Kim Jong Buys Pupukea-Paumalu. Opens Communist Fun Park.
11/30/2006
NORTH SHORE, O’AHU, HI – In a tragic and bitter loss for the North Shore Community, Kim Jong, Stalinist leader of North Korea, has boldly purchased Pupukea-Paumalu for $12 million (US), in retaliation for recent US threats regarding economic sanctions.
Pupukea-Paumalu, or ‘pupes’ for short, is a lush 1,129 acre tract of land on the North Shore of Hawaii which overlooks some of the world’s most famous and coveted surfing breaks.
Adding insult to injury, Kim Jong also plans to open a Fun Park fully staffed with slave labor. The park will include roller coasters, shooting walls mimicking public executions, the Hot Bunker (an underground nuclear explosion tour), and walled-in lunch areas serving cold water and uncooked rice.
Pupukea, on sale by the Obayashi Corporation of Japan since 2002, was long sought out by local organizations seeking to preserve this beautiful piece of Hawai’i super beach.
“Yeah, you know, for the longest time those bastards were trying to build tree-chopping luxury real estate. We almost raised enough money; but damn, this had to happen. I’m moving back to Delaware. Surf’s better there anyways,” said Roger Crackerfield, a representative for the local community at large.
Also angered by the course of recent events was Kala Moleson, member of the Campaign for Pupukea-Paumalu: “Kim Jong and his red rockets. We’ve been trying to make this purchase for many years now. This is the ultimate cock block.”
In a rare press release, Kim Jong has stated: “I also ban Surfing. Surfing is nothing to me and produces nothing society. Get job, you round eyed ridiots.”
Opening ceremonies for the funpark will include a popular North Korean Meatloaf Cover Band, and a multitude of Michael Jackson impersonators.
