Surfers Attacked By Deadly Sand Badgers
3/6/2007
BUDE, UK – A new breed of deranged Sand Badgers has been blamed for a recent string of deadly attacks on North Cornwall beaches, that have left one surfer dead, and many others wounded.
All attacks occurred directly along the beachfront as surfers walked to and from the water’s edge.
Scientists believe that dwindling food supplies may have forced Sand Badgers to find other sources of food, and may be one reason for the attacks.
“We know that in the summer months there’s a plentiful supply of various refuse and flotsam readily available for the Sand Badgers to eat, which consists mainly of empty beer cans, fish lures, wax, milk cartons, driftwood, washed up tampon applicators, balloons, and used condoms,” beach specialist Julia Woodworm explained.
“But in the winter months they’re motivated by desperation to feed off of the bootied cankles of surfer flesh.”
Sand Badgers are regarded as a byproduct of human pollution and are seen as a mutant mammalian species, and are considered a pest by many.
